Intimacy is a vital aspect of any romantic relationship, and contrary to popular belief, intimacy is NOT inherently sexual! Fostering non-sexual intimacy is a great way to deepen an emotional connection and strengthen the bond, trust, and explore a dimensional relationship with your partner (Anna, 2018). In this article, I will go over some ways to be intimate without having sex and discuss the benefits that such experiences can bring. 

Emotional Vulnerability: 

1. One of the foundations of intimacy is emotional vulnerability. Opening up to your partner and sharing your thoughts, fears, and desires creates a profound sense of connection. Engage in heartfelt conversations, actively listen, and offer support and empathy. By cultivating emotional intimacy, you establish a safe space for both partners to be authentic, enhancing trust and understanding (Marie, 2022). 

Building emotional vulnerability is easier for some people and harder for others. It can be as simple as sitting down with your partner and talking over dinner about what is going on for you and how you feel. For those who struggle with emotional intimacy or if you are looking for a way to dig deeper there are some exercises that you can try! Mike Mantell suggests an exercise called “revealing” yourself that concerns giving your partner access to your inner world and experience.

1. Set a timer for 5 minutes
2. Sit across from your partner
3. Make eye contact
4. Take a moment to settle into the connection with each other. Be with what you feel for a few seconds
5. Partner 1 share: “being with you, I notice ________.” Share whatever you notice in your inner experience. Thoughts, feelings, sensations, beliefs, etc.
6. Partner 2 take in what you just heard. Let it land. Then share: “hearing that, I notice _________.” Again, share whatever you notice in your inner experience
7. Partner 1 take in what you just heard. Let it land. Then share: “hearing that, I notice _________.” Again, share whatever you notice in your inner experience
8. Repeat steps 6 and 7 until time runs out
9. Reflect together – what was that experience like?

Quality Time: 

2. Spending quality time together can significantly strengthen your bond. Plan regular date nights or engage in shared activities that both partners enjoy. This could involve cooking together, going for walks, exploring nature, playing games, or engaging in hobbies (Davies, 2022). The key is to dedicate uninterrupted time to nurture your connection and create lasting memories. Try to schedule dedicated times and make them non-negotiables.

Non-Sexual Physical Touch: 

3. Physical touch can be incredibly intimate and doesn’t have to lead to sex. Non-sexual physical touch, such as cuddling, holding hands, giving massages, or simply embracing, releases oxytocin—the hormone responsible for bonding and connection (DeAngelis, 2008). These gestures foster a sense of closeness, reassurance, and affection, allowing partners to feel secure and loved (Leavitt, 2022) 

Expressive Affection: 

4. Verbal and non-verbal expressions of affection play a vital role in building intimacy. Small gestures like saying “I love you,” giving compliments, or leaving sweet notes can make a significant impact. Non-verbal cues such as eye contact, smiling, or gentle touches can convey love and affection effectively, reaffirming your emotional connection. 

Engaging in Shared Interests:

5. Exploring shared interests promotes bonding and strengthens your relationship. Whether it’s learning a new skill, taking up a hobby, or attending events together, engaging in activities you both enjoy creates opportunities for deeper connection and mutual growth. The joy of shared experiences enhances emotional intimacy, fostering a sense of togetherness (Killoren, 2021). 

Benefits of Non-Sexual Intimacy: 

1. Emotional Bonding: Non-sexual intimacy builds a strong emotional foundation, allowing partners to connect on a deeper level and understand each other’s needs and desires. 2. Trust and Communication: Focusing on non-sexual intimacy encourages open communication, trust-building, and effective conflict resolution, leading to a healthier relationship overall. 

3. Exploration and Discovery: Exploring alternative forms of intimacy can uncover new facets of your partner’s personality and strengthen the bond of friendship within your relationship. 

4. Emotional Fulfilment: Non-sexual intimacy can provide emotional satisfaction and fulfilment, enhancing overall relationship satisfaction and happiness. 

5. Respect for Boundaries: Embracing non-sexual intimacy showcases respect for each partner’s boundaries, fostering an environment of consent and understanding. 

While sex can be an important part of a romantic relationship, it is by no means the only pathway to intimacy. Engaging in non-sexual forms of intimacy provides couples with opportunities to deepen their emotional connection, foster trust, and explore new dimensions of their relationship. By embracing these alternative ways to be intimate without having sex, couples can nurture a bond that goes far beyond physical pleasure, ultimately leading to a more fulfilling and lasting partnership.

References 

Anna, P. (2018, June 7). Sexual health tips & advice: Intimacy in bed without sex. Sexual health tips & advice. 

https://www.k-y.com/blogs/sex-health-blog/building-intimacy-in-bed-without-sex

Davies, V. (2022, April 5). The importance of spending time together. Care for the Family. https://www.careforthefamily.org.uk/couples/make-a-date-of-it-the-importance-of-spending time-together/#:~:text=Spending%20quality%20time%20together%20is,exclusivity%20in% 20our%20couple%20relationship 

DeAngelis, T. (2008, February). The two faces of Oxytocin. Monitor on Psychology. https://www.apa.org/monitor/feb08/oxytocin#:~:text=Oxytocin%20is%20produced%20main ly%20in,to%20influence%20behavior%20and%20physiology 

Killoren, C. (2021). Common Interests. The biggest must-have in a relationship. Relish. https://hellorelish.com/articles/common-interests-relationships.html#:~:text=Shared%20Int erests%20%3D%20Shared%20Bond,maintains%20a%20surface%2Dlevel%20romance 

Leavitt, C. E. (2022, July 15). Why non-sexual touch is so essential. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/sexual-mindfulness/202207/why-non-sexual-tou ch-is-so-essential#:~:text=Non%2Dsexual%20touch%20is%20healing,reactive%2C%20cr eating%20warmth%20and%20connection 

Marie, S. (2022, April 18). Vulnerability in relationships: Benefits and tips. Psych Central. https://psychcentral.com/relationships/trust-and-vulnerability-in-relationships#:~:text=Vulne rability%20fosters%20closeness%2C%20trust%2C%20and,and%20what%20you%20aspi re%20to